Nightmares, delusions, halucinations, progressive music, apathy

So HAPPY READING WEEK!!! YEY!
I have no idea where it went. It's Wednesday night, and let's just say that I am nowhere in my plans. Sleeping 14+ hours a day and skipping work is not the best way to spend your reading week, but honestly, I do not really care much either. Creating a bubble around myself is a good way to prepare myself for the incoming impact, no matter of what sort such an impact would be.
Now I kind of regret that I am in psychology. I know every single rule, every single step. People are so predictable. And exactly why I prefer not to say certain things, because I know what the result would be. I mean, if I go to someone and tell them I sleep 14+ hours of day, they will tell me I have clinical depression. Well guess what! I have not felt so well for weeks! Low energy and sleep may be due to the fact that I hardly got more than 6 hours of sleep last week per night, and that nightmares are not exactly the best way to spend your nights. But, who cares if I fill one of the criterions to be diagnosed. Nothing better than giving me the diagnosis and prescribing me some lovely meds. Hey, I have half of bottle of pure vodka in my fridge, and a bunch of pills. Isn;t that much better to take than anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. Oh, no, of course not! We know everything. We got a degree and we can help you. Bullshit. All of that is bullshit. I know better than any of them what I need. What do they want? At least now I am up, I can go out without fearing every single person, and without looking at the ground scared that my look will meet someone else's . I did this by myself! So back off me with your disgusting pills. If I wanted drugs, al I had to do is send an e-mail to my friend down in Florida and make him send me some shit. And if he is not around, I can easily get some stuff. I mean in res for god's sake. I can get whatever I want. And if I want some hard stuff, like coke, I will just call my BG jackasses. There is nothing easier than getting high on anything you want. People will take your money and let you kill yourself. I am sick of that bullshit.

Want me to be more positive? Sure, I will be :D
So how was your lovely day? Mine was great! I was woken up by phone calls, and then went to the lovely embassy to get my great papers for my international passport so I can fly to BG in May. Isn;t that the best news ever! I am so happy and excited!. And I also got to sleep and watch that great movie! And guess what! For once, I had only one nightmare :D I love it! I am so much better! And I talked to people, and my life was great today and I love everyone.
Happier now that you have seen me being positive and optimistic and happy again? Well, you better be, cause I am fucking sick of that pretending. You want me to tell you I am fine? yes I am. but it is not your business.
Or wait, maybe you are one of these motherfuckers I know who enjoy seeing me completely down in my mind. Wanna hear how myc shitty day went today?
SO the shitty phone rang and I had to jump out of bed and wait 2 fucking hours at the fucked up little annoying embassy being kissass nice to that fucked up annoying grandma who was trying to tell me I can not do anything without her approval. And then I fucked up again and went to bed to dream that shitty episode again. And guess what! Fuck I slept till like 5 pm, and now I am so grossed out of the whole TV watching time, that I need to get high to go to bed. And all these weird people talking to me, like wtf is wrong with the world!
SO happy now that I am miserable? Well I am glad you are.

Cause honestly, I DO NOT FUCKING CARE!
I was gonna start ditching at the world, but what's the point right. I can feel whenever is appropriate to feel. I can say and do whatever is desirable. To save others the uncomfortability of dealing with my reality. Or maybe i have no reality at all and it all is just delusions and halucinations. BOOM! No reality. So now you can construct my reality, and I will just be your little puppet on a string. Would you be happy then? Eh? Would you be? That I am completely compliant and live according to the rules in your perfect harmonic world? Eternal love and friendhsip for everyone. And you all can lick your asses and pretend.

It's all so fake. It's all so bullshit. Too bad you are too closed-minded, antisocial, withdrawn and fake to even understand what I am talking about.

Have a lovely day, dear. I love you too :D