Hotel Rwanda

"It is not genocite. It is an act of genocide"
What is the difference?
1 million people died.... and noone did anything. It is all politics.
They do not know what it is. You must have experienced it to understand. Completely powerless. And then you give up.
"I am going to die. There is nothing else I can do. My life in in the mercy of this person over me. And he will kill me."
Only when you have said that, when you have experienced the powerlessness, only then can you understand what is it to give up on yourself, your life, the people who love you. It is the scariest feeling a human being can experience. No control.

The pain. The humiliation. The disrespect. My mind is unable to understand how is a human being able to be cruel towards another human being. This is not animalistic. Anymals do it for food, to protect themselves and their children. Humans do it out of fear, for sex, for money, for power, for glory. Is there a worse thought that the thought of knowing you have hurt someone? I have hurt. I look back. Then I was a child. It was a game, a play, a way to control. I cannot hurt another person. I wish I could. But I have a heart. I have the love inside. I was brought up with the belief that no human being should ever hurt another human being. I am unable to do that.

Every one of us swears never to hurt another. But even amongst the best of us, something always snaps. And the angel becomes the devil. And hurts. And hurts. And hurts. In my mind, and in my heart, to hurt is the biggest punishment. Because you are not human anymore. you become a monster. Not an animal. A monster. You inflict pain. Over and over and over again. You swear you will never do it again. But you don;t trust yourself anymore. You hurted the other person, and you hurted yourself. Is there anything worse than that? Would even jail make it worse?

What is to wish you were not here anymore so the pain does not come back?
What is to wish to escape by any means?
They say life is stronger than death because we have the natural instinct of self-preservation.
What if one day this instinct is gone?
Would you use your hand to hurt yourself?
Or does it even matter?
Once you lose your control, your power, you have nothing to stop you.
It is the easiest choice. The hardest choice too.

For me, it is not a choice.