Blindness

What is it to be blind? To look but not see. To know but not understand. What is it to be out of control? To believe that you know nothing and the person in front of you knows everything.
I was blind. In my desire to keep things going I refused to be selfish. Now I can list all the negative things, and I am sure there is no future for it. But back then I held on to a straw.
I am amazed by myself. Shit like this does not happen to everyone. And everyone I went to for help was hardly able to say anything. But I knew back then and I know now what has to be done. All I know is that the worst is behind me ad I can start again. Time will cure us.
I do not really want to talk about last night. I just know I was more scared of the police and the people in my res seeing them then anything else. And my parents were supportive. I did not say anything. Because I knew what their reaction would be. And I would never forget myself if this happens. I may be bitchy, nasty, and aggressive, but I would never ruin someone's life or hurt someone. Because I am the stronger one. I am the one who is able to deal with it. I am the one God chose to show people the right path in life, to change them and make them better people. If he sent me his power to do good to everyone, I have to walk straight up and show myself I deserve it.
Here is a theory: morel development by Erickson, goes into 6 stages. You are achived the final stage only when your actions are a balance between your personal believes, societal norms, and understanding of the other person. I saw myself there. And him down. It is amazing to see your superiority above someone on intellectual and moral level. And the most wonderful feeling was that even though I knew I was better than him, my thoughts were still directed towards dealing with the situation in ways in which neither of us would have been sacrificed. I gave him more than he deserved. But giving frm yourself, giving everything you had for someone who does not deserve you, but yet deserves mercy, is a power. And I do have that power.
I am proud of what I am, of what I stand for, and of what I did in this situation. And I believe that I have achieved a superior moral understanding of myself and others. I just need to remain strong and not allow others to make me feel inferior Because if they do not respect me, they have not seen the power inside me and the true heart I have and the love I spread around.
God bless the lost souls and send them a friendly hand to save them from the pain and suffering and non-existant living.


P.S. Sabi, THANK YOU. and thanks to your mom for caring about me more than anyone else did. This was a wake-up call for me. I know that there will be embarrassment from last night, and stigma and all sort of that stuff, but I am in a good place and people do not really care. What an irony eh? Caring saved me and not caring saved me too.