Food Foof get me food :D :D :D

So I did go to the UCRC meeting tonight, and ran for Food Director and got it. Wow. Was a really torturous 3 hours meeting, but it is over now and time to sleep. I will need a bunch of ideas as to how to deal with the terrible food, and what we can do in terms of weekends and what not. So anyways, I got few ideas, will work on that later on.
Also, my prof decided not to come today! he posted on the website that he is sick, but the post appeared like 15 min before the class. Hello!!! You are not the only person who values time! bummer.
I definately need to go to the lab tomorrow. And to the bank, and go get more posters. And also take Angie with me. I am trying to get things organized in my mind, but it just does not work. Maybe I should introduce you to a relaxing day in Nina's weekday schedule. Tis what we got tomorrow:
9-12: Study in the JCR for my test in health psych.
12-1: bank, poster, food!!!
1-2: class
2-3:30: gotta go work on my independent project before Joan come hunt me down
4-6: Sick Kids, and i need to get paper and notebooks :(
6:30- food
7: Biome steering Committee meeting
8-12 studying for my HMB lab
and then SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP :D :D :D
So yeah, fun fun fun.
Anyways, no more blabbering. I miss G. :( I wish he was around tonight too :(

K, love you

The Forgotten

That movie totally freaked me out! I jumped a bunch of times and hided in my friend, cause I was so scared! And I was shaky, and had hard time to get going after the movie. But was tones of fun to see it with my friends :)
I talked to Emily today, and told her about stuff. She said I should do like her and screw my old "friends" and hang out with people who really care about me. So I did that tonight and that totally brought me back :D SO I am happy again :D It is the people that mess me up, not me :D
Also, I was in a dizziness and rage the whole morning, but went to the bbq and loved it :D And saw some friends, which was nice :) I like seeing people and chatting :) in REAL LIFE! Also, I went to the gym right after work because I just could not handle that power and energy and anger inside me. I did 197 heart rate on the bike for a while, but wished I did 200 as planned. I loved it totally :D
So now the world looks much better :D
And the best part was just few minutes ago when I talked to G. OMG! I love him! He was so nice and sweet, and we talked like normal people, no fights, no swearing, no name calling. Was so great :) I love him :D And I miss him :D He is such an attention whore! ha ha :D But he made me smile, and feel all cosy, happy, and confident :) So things are great again :)

Love you
Nina

TAKE THE CHALLENGE I OFFER YOU!!!

So, I have been getting all these comments from pretty much everyone on my online contacts, and it has been annoying me. So I decided to Allow you people to try to get your opinions in my mind, to criticise me openly and make whatever you want out of it. If you are up for that, read down. The full post you can check out at the Comments on the previous post. Here are the most important points:

And I got to the idea that the fact I know most of you mostly online is an obvious disadvantage. neither of you have interacted with me in person enough to be able to distunguish the person i am online and the person I am in real life. I would never allow myseld to say things in real life which I say on Biome or on here. And of course, my blog is mine so I can share my experiences. The difference comes from my past. I used to be part of a community on IRC few years back. Whar happened then has a lot of relevance, and I still behave similar ways. In real life though, I am just not that person. I hate MSN, IRC or even Biome now. They create a picture of me which is not true at all for the face-to-face interactional me. And you all make assumptions based on what I post , and the way I express myself. A huge mistake, because the person online is NOT ME! I tend to be much more vocal, opinionated, cruel and bitchy online. And what is the worst, you people do not even make the effort to try to get to know me. Has any of you approached me in real life and tried to spend some time one-on-one with me? I do not think so.

Anyways, the point I am trying to make is that you just should come to me with open mind, without the assumptions.

SO here is the deal: Since you believe that you have something to contribute, you should try to be patient and convince me that I should change. I am very stubborn, so it will take some effort. if you are up for the challenge, I would love to hear any advice, no matter how cruel, rude, or angry it is. The only way to deal with me is to attack me extremely violently. So go ahead and do it, and you will see the results. And to protect yourselves, I suggest you use Anonymous nickname, so that there are no personal feelings. Be my counsellor! Help Me! Make the difference you are struggling for. And if you cannot deal with me, and are not willing to take the challenge, then do not make assumptions about me, do not judge me, and let me live my life the way I believe is best for me.

I urge you all to play the game, because that is your chance to change ME and express all your thoughts, and I will not be able to fire back, cause you all will be Anonymous.
And yes, you are allowed to bring people here and make them criticise me as well.
But, please keep the content confidential.
Thanks.

Weekend news

So, the weekend was buuuusy, but definately very interesting :D
SEC training can be a lot of fun, and not like most trainings at all. I learnt a lot, from how to cope with stuff to sex toys. I admit, definately sex toys was the area I learnt a lot from and made me wanna improvise more :D

And I saw Nate :D OMG!!! If I die tomorrow, I will not regret my life, mostly because of that child! He was just playing with the ball, and on the slide, and with other kids! You have no idea what an amazing progress he had had in the last 6 months! I am so proud of my baby :D And that smile when he saw me yesterday, and yelling my name, OMG! He makes me the happiest person in the world :D Now thinking about him I get all teary. I love you baby I love you more than anyone else! He is the only person I know loves me unconditionally and will never hurt me! I love him :D

In other news, M. pissed me off big time last night. Cause I wanted to be with him, and he brought his friend, they were 45 min late, so we ended up being 45 min late to the club. And he did not dance with me or anything. And was all so silly. He is such a pussy man. And all that freaking out about the parking and drining in downtown. I know I was kinda mean, but whatever. I dunno, there is no point to try to push him, cause I know for sure there is not way anything will get better. The pure truth is that we are on the two complete ends of the spectrum of life and there is not chance we will ever compromise at any point. He just cannot deal with me. And I am certainly not willing to deal with him. I do not need a whining boneless creature in my life. I want a real man. So yeah... yes, I know I am cruel, but you know what? I do not give a FUCK about anyone anyways. My life will either be the way I want it, or it will not be at all. End of question.

Now I go sleep cause I gotta work at 12.

P.S. Maybe I should make SystemSounsbar my favourire Saturday night club :D

Bullshit!

Fuck! I am tired of all that stupidity around. Like seriously, I am stupid myself to alow people to just apologize, and then I act like nothing is wrong and life is great again, when they do not deserve me. Wtf! It is not enough just to SAY you care and want me in your life! You need to ACT like it and DO it. I don;t buy stupid words, or at least I should not. Cause I have seen it millions of times that it does not matter at all. So sick it up Nina and get to your fucked up nice sweet loving mind that people do not give a shit about others, and you should not give either. Who cares? nobody. Don;t come to me with the excuse that he does, cause he does not either. Whatever, fuck it up. I just wanted you to know.
And I fucking hate when people make plans behind my back. This is not friendship. So you can be with me whenever you are lonely and wanna feel good but you cannot invite me with you for coffee. Whatever. I have enough shit in my life already to need whoever. People are jerks. They do not get it. So just let them live in their dreamworld. Cause at the end the only one that cares about you is yourself. Not that I myself care about myself. And yeah, I am mad. And no, it is not because of last night. I do not even remember last night! Screw it! Screw me too. I just do not remember. It does not matter anyways, nothing really matters anymore. So just don;t allow your heart rate to get over it is supposed to be, cause no excutement is worth it. People do not appreciate, I will not appreciate them either. End of story.
K, now fuck it all and go to bed.
Oh yeah, no more drugs. They just fuck me over. Unless it is weed, forget about the drugs. Weed is the only good thing I can trust.
K get your mind to that.
Fuck you.

The funniest prank ever

... is when you create an image of yourself that is very different from your real you. You just play along. I find it so funny, especially with people I do not know and do not care about, and who make assumptions easily and are closely minded. I love it :D I guess it is a habit from my other life. Damn, I hate how past can follow me so closely all the time! I thought since I was able to stop the sex I could stop the rest too. But nah, it is my second nature. Anyways, I love having fun, and this is way too much fun :D :D :D Shhh, not telling others ;)

K, I am dizzy, so since I am not pregnant it should be tiredness.
ni ni :D

We missed you :D

isn;t that sweet :D
i have been running around since 9 am, so I wanted to get to bed early today. Sleep is good :D
So I played cards in my common room. It is hard to get to know people fast, espcially when they all are friends already. But I started feeling more and more comfortable around them, and after few more events things should be great.
And right after I jetter to McCaul to play Mafia, which was a lot of fun, and I did get killed few time, my huge mouth again :D And i felt great there, like with friends, and we all liked playing, so was great :D

In more personal news, I am gonna see him tomorrow, and damn I am scared. I will have to put a lot of effort to be nice and sweet and try to just relax. I mean, it is different now cause we know we care and we missed each other, but still... Knowing how both of us are, it is really hard to relax again.
So, I guess being a bitch and not caring about much stuff actually worked out for friendship. Even though I do not want to stick with that, maybe I should consider it for future reference :D

And I also tried to talk to D. but he is too busy too, so it is not easy. I hope it is just cause he is busy and not cause he cannot allow himself to get attached to another girl so easily.

So life is up and running again, and my schedule has not been that crazy, not even in the summer. But strangely enough, I keep up with readings and what not :D
I love my self :D I deserve a huge hug and kiss from myself :D Love you much much much :D *MWA*

P.S. My friends said my don has the face of Brat Pitt :D Too bad he has a gf :( He would be a good person :D But then he is too much of J and J's type so I dunno :D I still got to see his gf though :D

E-mail can stir me up

I woke up today after my night shift, and I got an e-mail from someone special... This was so weird... Right on the first paragraph I was shaking and felt like I was gonna cry. He still thinks about me and he wants things to be back the way they were. I just could not resist. I guess he knows my weaknesses well enough to make me emotional again.
So I hope that giving him a new chance will not be a mistake, and maybe things will be nice again. And he made me happy. Been awhile since I felt that kind of nice friendly excitement.

And, M. is coming with me on Saturday night :D I know he is gonna be major time high and will drink, but so what :D It is all about the fun. I am not sure yet if I want him to sleep over after though...
Anyways, I need sleep :D
night baby MWA :D

Late night Thoughts

I guess I have forgotten what emotional effect a lot of events and late night hours have on me... I should try to escape that I guess, because "Emotions are Evil". This is actually one of the notes on my door too :D Scares people away :D
house meeting was interesting... so many new people, so many new things, I am kinda excited and whatnot about it...
But whatever, I told Angie I am not excited about anything much anymore. I guess it is kinda true. I am floating in a state of existance. I am happy in a very calm way. I have no emotions whatsoever though. I am not crazy about anyone or anything. I am not upset by anything. Things are just so smooth...
I hate it. I love. I dunno... Emotions make me unstable, scared, confused. No emotions take away my persona. The summer was AMAZING. Purely amazing. The reason because I learnt how to deal with everything that may cause emotional disturbances in my life. No stressors, no caring about people. Everything so calm. But I am a little tired of that I guess. FOr someone so used to emotions, no emotions means state of nothingness... Going around in a loop in the state of nothingness not understanding what reality is or what people are. GARY! GARY! GARY!
Things are going way too well. I need something to stir me up and make me care. Even anger/frustration/screams seem like a wonderful exciting experience right now.
At least there is not much chance of getting a hear attack :D