Percusio

So it's more than obvious that I am unable to do anything mildly productive right now, so I will just buzz around. It's my LAST night shift and no more of that terrible messed up schedule! Well, unless whenever there is something distracting to keep me awake at night.
We went clubbing to Joe's last night, not to mention we were totally soaked by the time we got inside, and my jacket was wet even after. 4 hours of non-constant dancing make syou crazy. And my tolerance level is progressively increasing every time we go out. Nowadays I need to do massive pre-drinking and spend at least $30 in drinks to get mildly tipsy. I am kinda happy that there was noone who knew us there, cause the major sexy action we engage in is not for everyone's eyes. I love it when we go clubbing together! Way better than going with anyone else, probably cause I do not give a fuck who says what about me and I know I am not gonna get the dirty disapproving looks when I hook up with a guy in the club.
Talking about guys, no idea where we stand right now. And with me leaving for 5 weeks, I am not sure he is very interested in having anything until I come back. I am not that interested in him either, but hey, he knows how to make me feel good and he is willling to try things, which is a new discovery for my partners. Maybe we can do something more during the summer when I come back and we both have more willingness to spend sleepless nights together even when we have to go to work the next morning. But honestly, I do not put my hopes too much up, because with my luck he may as well turn up to be a drug dealer.
As about luck, I have that feelings the plane is so gonna crash. At least one of the 4 planes. Cause I have not had anything good happen to me for months, so maybe it all has been to end up with a place crash. Actually I am rather happy to have that feeling. Would be a very different sensation. Makes you feel the fear and powerlessness. You can never get used to someone else controlling your life. The odds for this happening are 1 in a million, but I lighten up just thinking about the possibility of it happening.
I am really tired of this country, and these people, and these same things. There is something so depressing and monotonous around here. It feels like noone is real. It feel like I can hardly talk to anyone, cause of the stupid rules. People do not want to hear what I feel and what I really think. They only want to know I am happy and all is fine. I hate the whole pretentiousness of that place. My friend tells me it is the university that makes it all bullshit. People here are more selfish, more success-driven, less party-oriented, and seem to enjoy life way less than the low-paying-employees in the lower classes. He is from the people who does not get much money, but gosh, he parties! Maybe in a different way than me, cause he prefers to chill in bars and I prefer clubs or just my bedroom. He is so much more relaxed, and easy go shizzy... I am jealous sometimes. I just wish I did not care as much as I do. I hate looking around me and seeing all these briliant people who can only study and be perfect in everything all the time. I hate it so badly. I hate myself for being so nowhere. I got no real home, no real goal, and now I do not even have a real self. I hate who she is. I hate that she is a good nice sweet girl during the day and becomes a total bitchy whore during the night. It makes me wonder if I know myself. But what' the point of knowing myself anyways? I will never like it, it will never get better, it will never go away. YOu live with it, pure dark meaningless existance. I just wanna finish school and try to get a semi-alright job and then work during the day and go out and drug myself to oblivion. Cause only when you do not realize who you are and what is the world around you like, only then are you able to just forget it all and fully float in life.