On the matter of... SUICIDE

Here is an article from the Canadian Mental Health Association on Youth Suicide:


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Reflections on Youth Suicide

Adolescence is a time of dramatic change. The journey from child to adult can be complex and challenging. Young people often feel tremendous pressure to succeed at school, at home and in social groups. At the same time, they may lack the life experience that lets them know that difficult situations will not last forever. Mental health problems commonly associated with adults, such as depression, also affect young people. Any one of these factors, or a combination, may become such a source of pain that they seek relief in suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people after motor vehicle accidents. Yet people are often reluctant to discuss it. This is partly due to the stigma, guilt or shame that surrounds suicide. People are often uncomfortable discussing it. Unfortunately, this tradition of silence perpetuates harmful myths and attitudes. It can also prevent people from talking openly about the pain they feel or the help they need.

Communication is the first essential step in assisting youths at risk of suicide. Learning the facts about suicide can help build a parent's confidence in discussing a difficult subject.

SOME MYTHS ABOUT SUICIDE

Myth: Young people rarely think about suicide.
Reality: Teens and suicide are more closely linked than adults might expect. In a survey of 15,000 grade 7 to 12 students in British Columbia, 34% knew of someone who had attempted or died by suicide; 16% had seriously considered suicide; 14% had made a suicide plan; 7% had made an attempt and 2% had required medical attention due to an attempt.

Myth: Talking about suicide will give a young person the idea, or permission, to consider suicide as a solution to their problems.
Reality: Talking calmly about suicide, without showing fear or making judgments, can bring relief to someone who is feeling terribly isolated. A willingness to listen shows sincere concern; encouraging someone to speak about their suicidal feelings can reduce the risk of an attempt.

Myth: Suicide is sudden and unpredictable.
Reality: Suicide is most often a process, not an event. Eight out of ten people who die by suicide gave some, or even many, indications of their intentions.

Myth: Suicidal youth are only seeking attention or trying to manipulate others.
Reality: Efforts to manipulate or grab attention are always a cause for concern. It is difficult to determine if a youth is at risk of suicide All suicide threats must be taken seriously.

Myth: Suicidal people are determined to die.
Reality: Suicidal youth are in pain. They don't necessarily want to die; they want their pain to end. If their ability to cope is stretched to the limit, or if problems occur together with a mental illness, it can seem that death is the only way to make the pain stop.

Myth: A suicidal person will always be at risk.
Reality: Most people feel suicidal at some time in their lives. The overwhelming desire to escape from pain can be relieved when the problem or pressure is relieved. Learning effective coping techniques to deal with stressful situations can help.

WHO IS AT RISK

In Canada, suicide is the second highest cause of death for youth aged 10-24. Each year, on average, 294 youths die from suicide. Many more attempt suicide. Aboriginal teens and gay and lesbian teens may be at particularly high risk, depending on the community they live in and their own self esteem.

Suicide is a complex process. The cause can seldom be attributed to one single factor, such as the death by suicide of a rock star or family break-up. It may be a routine event or an overwhelming one that overloads a vulnerable youth's coping mechanisms. As well, new research suggests that there may be a genetic link to suicide. A family history of suicidal behaviour should be taken into account, if for no other reason than the young person may have been affected by this behaviour in the past.

Suicidal youth rarely make a direct plea for help. But most will exhibit warning signs. Here are some of these signs:

• Sudden change in behaviour (positive or negative)
• Apathy, withdrawal, change in eating patterns
• Unusual preoccupation with death or dying
• Giving away valued personal possessions
• Signs of depression; moodiness, hopelessness
• One or more previous suicide attempts
• Recent attempt or death by suicide by a friend or a family member

TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE

Warning signs are an invitation to communicate. A direct, straightforward response is most effective. Ask your child if he or she is contemplating suicide; no matter what you hear, try not to be judgmental, shocked or angry. Do not communicate your personal attitudes about suicide; instead, offer support and reassurance that suicidal feelings do not last forever. Seek the assistance of a trained professional as soon as possible.

Your child's school may have protocols to follow in the case of a suicide attempt or death by suicide. It is important that the suicide is not romanticised or glamourised. Instead, teachers are encouraged to discuss with students the characteristics and events that can lead to suicide, and to explore with them all the other options that exist. But school should not be the only source of help. For parents, an attempted suicide or death by suicide in their child's circle of friends presents an opportunity to explore their child's stress levels and methods of coping. Dramatic statements emphasising the parent's horror and fear "of suicide are best avoided. It is more effective to express a willingness to talk and to be supportive, no matter what may be happening in the child's life.

WHERE TO GO FOR MORE INFORMATION

Check with your local library for books that can help you understand suicide. Helpful resources on the Internet include:
THE CANADIAN HEALTH NETWORK: www.canadian-health-network.ca
The Canadian Mental Health Association: www.cmha.ca
Suicide Information and Education Centre: www.siec.ca/

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So am I talking about this? Why not? It is that thing we always hear about, but we never want to talk about, because it is too scary, and too painful. And talking about it is the only way to figure out ourselves. I know much more about it than most people my age, because I have delt with it on so many levels. I have had a few friends who have been suicidal many times. One of them suffered from heavy depression... He was completely out of it... Hallucinations, delusions, etc. I have been with him at least 5 times when he wanted to do it. I would plead, I would swear at him, I would beg him, hate him, love him, say everything I thought would help. He never ended up doing it. The reason: "I am too much of a pussy to do it. If I were not, I would have already done it million times." I never understood him, because I always believed that it is impossible for someone to hate himself and the world THAT much, as to go against the instinct of self-preservation. He thought of hanging himself, but this is probably the hardest way. He also thought about overdose, but for someone who lives on drugs, it would be ridiculous to kill himself with an overdose. And a gun or some other weapon did not work. Someone very close to me tried to kill herself a couple of years ago. I hardly ever talk about that ever. It hurts too much. It hurts to know this person asked you for help and there was nothing you could do. And you just let her do it. It hurts. So much. It makes me cry every single time I think about it. I can hardly talk to other people about it... I state it as a fact, but I cannot talk about it.... And there was another one... The person I was with for some time tried to kill himself twice. It was before meeting me, so I had no power, but it made me think like everyone around me is so low down that they have no desire to live. It scares the living hell out of me to know that so many people I have loved have tried to hurt themselves. It makes me feel like I am attracted to people who are miserable, or that I connect with them on a level that make them confine in me about the darkest thoughts and deeds.
You wanna know if I have ever tried it? No. Have I had the thoughts? Yes. Many times. Reason: because there is only that much of bullshit in life you can take. And after awhile, you just give up, and you wish you could escape all the hardship, and never feel anything again. Being dead is beautiful, its peaceful, its so easy. It's a state in which nothing matters. There is no pain, no fear, no stress. yes, there is also no love and friendship and happiness, but the NOTHINGNESS is what is the beautiful in it. Sometimes I say: "One day I will be dead and nothing will ever matter, and I will be floating into the nothingness feeling nothing." I am fascinated by the idea of nothingness. It's all the troubles and stress of my current life. Everything going horrible in one day, and wonderful on the next. It's the confusion, the fast change of moods and events that make me cherish the lack of everything. It's like sleep, but without the nightmares and the awareness of your environment. Death is so beautiful. I am not scared of it. I desire it, but not for the reasons they did. They wanted to die because they felt like their lives did not matter, like they were worthless. He took the pills because he was ashamed of himself. She injected herself because she believed she was a burden for others and brought them misery. He cut his wrists because he saw no reason to keep living. They all had a reason to die dictated by something terribly dark in their lives. I do have terrible things happening to me, but I still belive that my life has a purpose, that I do have some importance for someone, that I have destiny to fulfill. I admire death because of the beauty it carries, not because it is the escape from the darkness. They were afraid to die. They desired it, but were so afraid. I am not. For me, it is a passion... A miracle... a drive... it is the last stage in the circle of life. It is so beautiful...

If you know someone who is considering suicide, or you are considering suicide yourself, or you just want to talk about it, I would not mind having the talk. Death is scary only if we are afraid of it. It because a problem only when we are with the wrong conceptions. But death is beautiful. So beautiful.