There is something up I tell ya

I was supposed to be coming from the gym at that time, but I just could not move at all. I am so sleepy, and tured, and insanely hungry. I guess I need to try taking better care of myself....

We went for lunch at some Chinese place today. Really nice place actually, and I had lots of rice with soy sauce (no matter what Hainan said) and veggies and tofu and all that stuff. Around work I am going to get to know all of the restaurants around :D Which is great :D China town is an experience ;)
I liked the stats seminar. First because it is just the 4 of us students. This is the style I like and I get all motivated and stuff. Remins me of high school classes... And third, of course, because JOhn is an amazing teacher! So now I am all understanding where some of the stuff comes from. I even tried to get an SPSS manual today, but no luck.
So I went to Koffler Health Services to get my stuff done. yeah, right! These things just do not happen! This doc was such a pain, and the results are not even in yet. So I will prob need another few weeks :( I am not happy at all with the medical services. And you expect me to go for a physical check, no way!
I also thought that my SOC class on Health Issues would be fun, since I work with that, But no, of course no! The prof was famous, but I hardly stood the hwole 2 hours. Disappointment.
I really need some sleep... I dunno...
night :)

YEY for statistics

So this is my bedtime reading. yeah, don;t wonder too much, I have become obsessd with stats, SPSS, and all that quantitative measures and other junk. I need to write 2 essays, one on sexual diversity, and one on family members of schizophrenic patients. So yeah... I need to get that done soon. At least the research.
Btw, I finally found why Nancy was so pissed at me for my wrong definitions of variables: cause I did not even include the missing values posibility in my analysis, and in my syntax. So anyways, hopefully next time...
I felt kinda crappy this morning. I dunno what the hell is up. I was hungry for luch! I am never hungry for lunch otherwise! I guess I need to start putting sme clothes other than these fairy pink transparent babydoll when I get to sleep.
So at lunch I went with Ria and Christina to a chinese place, and had tofu and veggies mmmm. One of the things was fungus, and was really nice actually. I love Chinese food now :) And have not had so much to eat in a day for few weeks. Ad then I wonder why my body protests. So was an interesting lunch for sure. Ria is a very interesting person. Reminded me of myself actually... because she has had a lot of shit in her life too, but is super dynamic, and her children are everything for her. I was impressed.
We dropped by in an artsie shop. Impressed again. I remembered that i used to write and paint.... maybe when I am 50 and has some free time. Not that I expect that to ever happen to me...
I got to do some of the tour at the hospital today. Man, these nurses can be so bad at teaching. And when the parents look at ME, and thank ME, and say I am helpful, you see the extend to which the program is going down. Only 2 hot chocolates today though :( No others were left that is why.
And I got stuffed with food for the next 2 months today. I am serious. Nowadays this is what I do: Buy stuff once a month, just cereal, noodles, that is all. The new Aroma Therapy body wash is very refreshing. And the new aroma thingie I got for my room too. I can sense it. I like :)
Otherwise, biking was biking as always :D And I did some reading. And Now i am tired.
Oh, I had some guy msg me today on IRC. He asked if I got a webcam, cause he was horny and wanted to exchange some masturbation practices wow. He actually told me a lot of people do it. I was like, okkkk, whatever hun, you have gotten the right person here. I mean, I have done, and still do some perverted things, but that... I do not think so.

Anyways, no webcams for you :D
Night :)

I am early tonight :D

Cause it is Raining, and I want to use the rest of the night for more intimate activities ;)
Work was nice today. I just did the transcrip of that stuff. Still got deadlines to do though. Btw, the office is freezing! I had to come home and put warm clothes. BOOOOOO
normal stuff with class and tutorial, funny things. I find it so amazingly ridiculous some of the people in that class.
And I got wet even though I was not naked at all :) yeas yeas, it was the rain after class, what did you think about eh ;)
Oh... uhm... I talked to someone tonight... The convo itself was nice and sweet and all. BUT, it reminded me of somebody... I dunno, I guess I will never get over the past. It will always havea special croner in my heart. And the pain will be coming back every time when the door to the little corner is open... I just wish it did not mean anything. I thought it has been long enough. guess not. I do care still though. I mean, I will always love him. I know we would never really be happy together. I would dump him like all the others... But still, it does make me sad.
Was different though. I stopped, thought about it for a few minutes, and then it did not matter. I did not feel anything. I guess that is good :D No more emotions from me :D I am happy the way it is. Even though it is not the most moral way to live my life, but who cares. As someone once told me, as long as I am happy at the end of the day, nothing really matters.
I am happy :D
but my tummy hurts insanely! I need to go to the doctor. My body is too messed up. I hope it is not what I think it is.... OUCH.
K, NIght ;)
SEX in the RAIN

Father's Day!!

It was today, in case you have forgotten :)
What did I do for my daddy? Well, I actually did end up going there, by bike!!! And stayed for an hour, gave him my card, but then decided to jet before the storm.
Biking today for 8 hours was aaamazing! I got tanned too :) Well, I am red, but I mean, so nice! I was with Alena for the second part of the day, and even if we did not go to Central Island, still really nice. I am happy I did it. There was a huge fire on the island though, and I guess a bunch of ohers, cause the fire engines were flying like crazy all afternoon at Harbourfront.
Otherwise, did not really do that much. But I read the chapter on poverty and class for SOC :) No reserach though, and Carolyn is gonna kill me, and no SPSS and Nancy is gonna kill me. But so what! It was a good weekend, so screw it all :)

And now I need to take care of that insane hotness all over my body ;)

Nighty NIght :D

Happy Saturday Night ;)

So yeah, what are you doing home on Saturday you guys!!! Go out, get drunk/stoned/laid,and party it up big time, cause in a day it is back to work :D

Here is what I did so far:

1) I SLEEP 11 hours last night :D I love it :D Don;t ask me when I woke up cause I would be ashamed to tell ya ;) And I did not even get up, but stayed in bed for the next an hour or so. Was soooooo goooood :D And I had company so that was even nicer ;)

2) I spend $30 back on photocopying in Roberts! OUCH! But better than over $150 on books.

3) SO why in bed, I found out that HOobastank had a concert today. BUt no tickets :( So I took the bike and went to check out for cach tickets. On the way I bumped at the wheelchair championship around Queen's Park. And these wheelchairs are not like usual at all! It was amazing! I am so so inspired by these people! Some of them were Olympic and Paraolympic champions!!! Craziness I tell ya ;) So you see!!! There is nothing that can ruin your life if you want to live! Not even death itself. :)
But no tickets for the concert, and honestly after seeing the audience was 13-14 year old teenage girls who think they understand music, well maybe I did not want to go after all either ;)
But, around the place for the concert I found the Toronto Horticultural Society Greenhouse, and went to get a peak, was so beautiful! And I discovered I like cacti more than most other plants :) I guess that can be used in my psycoanalytical profile as a good indication of my personality ;)

4) I was supposed to go to my parents' house tonight for father's day, but obviously that did not work. So instead I went on a biking trip down University, Harbourfront, and up Yonge. Was fun. And I got fries and a veggie hotdog, and also there was that bird who wanted fries, so I gave it some, and it was fighting with other birds :D Everybody there was really warm dressed, compared to me. All I had on was a miniskirt, and a tanktop. Oh, on YOnge in front of the strip bars were these funny young guys, feelings weird to go in, same with the adult video place ;) I mean, these kids were so funny ;)


OMG, I was going to forget!!!! My skirt obviously was a dangerous move on my side, because I had one guy stopping me and asking me a sexual question, which I just replyed to with a smile and "sorry" and moved on, another one who was making comments after me about summer and yeah..., another one calling me "sweetie" and a lot more staring at my crotch, because they obviously did not get that I had shorts under the skirt. I mean, hello, I am not a pr0n star to wear tong right beneath the skirt! MEN!!! A highly qualifying example of human stupididty.

So here are the lessons learnt today:
- males, and especially older, would always make comments about how women dress in the summer, so screw them and just enjoy your summer
-be prepared with a second plan in any time, because we know how things are always
-venting is good, but do it in nice places OUTSIDE away from people who know you
- Toronto really needs to work on the Harbourfront area because it is gross and dark :(

SO yes, I am out for tonight, cause it is Saturday night and I have partying to do :)
Have fun kiddos ;)

A WHOLE WEEEKEND!!!!

JUST FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D
It has been like months since I had a whole weekend, or two whole days in general without having to go to work, or for volunteer jobs, or to organize events, and no meetings and no nothing!!! A WHOLE WEEKEND JUST FOR MEEEE!!!! And I can do whatever I want with whoever I want to do it!!! IMG :D *JUMPS*
I still got no idea what exactly am I going to do, but I have tones and tones of work for school and work, and on top of it also will go see my daddy for father's day :D

Anyways, some stuff on today. The lecture today was on depression management in the workplace. Very interesting, but I kinda zoned out few times. Well sure I would, since I was kept awake really late by somebody last night ;) But it was worth it so I am not going to make him suffer too much tonight ;) He seems sweetie pie ;)

Work is crazy! I am tired of all that I do not know what to do and how to do it. And Nancy keeps finding stuff on my datasets, and I am so so so frustrated! And I had to take the whole book with me on the weekend. That compy shit drives me nuts, even though I love it :/ Man, why all love in my life comes with so much pain...

Biome meeting was meh. I do not wanna talk about that. I am too fed up with it all.
So instead of going to a oub so early, I decided to chill outside :D I am SO happy I did that :D Webt for a whie to the ROM. I love the second floor with the dinosaurs :D They are so cute :D Then Went to Little Italy festival. I loved the music, some jazzy, little Italian though, but some hot rhythms too :) And I had roasted corn :D The way my grannie makes it, with the leaves... mmmmm soooooo goood :D I am really glad I went :D And honestly, I really enjoyed just walking and enjoying the people. I like going alone to such places, because it is just me I need to ask where to go :)

And now I am so dead tired! But tomorrow I can sleep allllllll daaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy :D
So tonight I can have some company and chillax ;)

Btw, bad news, my period if really messed up. I got no clue what is going on. OUCH.

Harvey Steiner research day

I am not sure about his last name though. This was yesterday, but was really impressive and deserves my detailed description.
It is a research day of the Psychology Department in U of T, and CAMH (where I happen to work) and various hospitals presented. I was at the Health Research Unit presentations, and honestly, most of them were very very interesting. Lori Corna also was there :D I have not seen her for a really long time, but was interesting to listen to her undergrad project. Her research established that for people with mild disabilities it was less beneficial any therapy. Which actually des have implementations in practice. And there was a poster presentation as well. And I got to eat eggplant wraps which were very very good mmmm :D

I also went again to the Dufferin Mall after the hospital yeasterday, and bought 2 shirts, 3 tank tops and a bag!!! Finally I got a bag.

What else, a crazy night, cause I had to do the schedule for the alternative and all that stuff.

Other stuff I forget wow :D

The peak of today...

Was me sitting on the bed just after I got back from working out, the room all dark besides the red light from my artsie lamp, smooth jazzie music, door slightly open, and me licking more than 15 freeezzziiiieeeeessss.... I love these solitude paradises.
I need to do that more often.

Today was insane!!!
1) I had to do that data entry form the Drug Formulary again, but whatever, somebody's gotta do it.
2) 10 am we had the whole unit in Paula's office for Williams graduation. He defended his PHD at HARVARD!!! Singing, music, some chat with really serious older people. In times like that I feel so negligable. I mean, all of these people have at least a PhD. Most have few postdocs, some have more than one masters. Like you know, brains!!! But honestly, I do not think I want to spend all my life doing research. That is yet to be decided though.
3) HAd cookies at work mmmmm and everybody loved them tooo :D Vegan cookies can be AMAZINGGGG!!!! mmmmmm makes me go grab some right now!
4) Stats seminar. THIS is how I was to study statistics! John is such an amaizing lecturer, made so much sense, and inspired me to go over my stat text again and get more info from the net and other texts. I LOVED the one and a half, almost 2 hours he lectured us!!! Now I want masters school!
5) Got early cause did not have lunch and had to cram for the test.
BUT, some guys talk first. SO today I was amongs all these increduble men, all so successful, intelligent, polite, ambitious, serious, devoted, energetic, great company, classy men. And if they were younger, I would probably loose my mind by now. They are very attractive still exactly because of their inteligence.
THEN, I get out from work, walking on the street, and my eyes got caught on a god! This extremely athletic, hot, darkskinned, greek god was standing right in from of the Pharmacy building. My eyes just got on him and could not move them. Now this is a HOT GUY. He was like one of these models from the ads. I jsut got no words to descibe how he turned everything in me. but still, he was just a hot, sexy guy who I would not mind having sexual relationship with, but i would never consider him for more than sex. For me, give me some of these PhDs ;) here is now psychology in practice ;)
6) test was Ok. Essay tests, meh...
7) I treated myself really well tonight: Right after my wonderful heroic hand was done with the last word, I took it to Kensington market, and had falafel. I just learnt how correctly to pronounce this word. Very weird... but not such a bad taste. Oh, btw, I had to pay over $6 for a toothpaste and a toothbrush!!! Robbery!!!
8) RIght after coming home went to the gym. Needed the work out. And felt good. I am gonna do it every night from now on. Part of my new schedule.
9) Gym was a good reason for a loong hot shower mmmm ;)
And now back to bed :D The second peak of my day is about to sweep me off my feet. I love it :D
And to you who is faling asleep, good night :)

When you know there is nothing you can do...

It really feels miserably. Espcially when the feeling is coming from a very special person in your life, and there is not much you can do, cause you are on "a break". I really hate these times when it is all messed up. Maybe I should go try talk to him again, so I do not feel so powerless. It has been a while since the last time I was able to feel somebody's emotions. Well except G, but he is always an exception to any rule in my life.

Anyways, enough from my feelings.
You got no clue how stressful an office job can be! With all that hurry UP! cause they got a presentation due in 15 min and you still got a whole bunch of numbers to punch in. And of course, they were 15 min late. Meh, pointless stress if you ask me.

Oh, haha :) So I went for the X-ray today, and the technician asked me if there was a chance for me to be pregnant. The funny thing is I actually had to think about it this time wow. But nah, i mean, nah!!! wow hopefully ;)

Studying all day after 6 today, and still not even half through it. Damn stupid cramming, no more!!! NO MORE CRAMMING!!! Damn me now!

And today I feel weird. I am hungry. I am never hungry!!! And just, my general phisiology is cracked up. Meh whatever.
Tomorrow is another day.
I go talk to him now... or i can at least try...
Good night to you :)

My weekends are even more tiring than my weekdays!

*Sigh* I guess that is what it is. Wana know why? I will tell you anyways :D
Saturday was work/fun with Nate. We went to High Park, which was a total success actually. He was so happy, omg, I love when he is so happy. Was walking by himself around, and playing with that baloon that he found on the ground, and the doggies and all. We went to the kid's area with the fortress, and he just got lost there for like an hour. I was exactly like all other parents, looking around for him, calling his name when I do not see him for a while. This is starting to get to me. All these motherly actions and feelings and all. Strangely for me, but I like being a mom :) And the weather was so great, I got some suntan on my arms and legs. The people there were nice too. One person even helped me out to get Nate out of the baby swing when his feet got stuck. But the waiting for the veggie dog took like 15 min! No need to mention Nate did not appreciated the wait at all, so he ended up on the ground or trying to get the buns. He also wanted to step on the water in the lake, since it seemed so like a real ground to him. I wish somebody gave me a list of all the things he does not percieve, so I am prepared for such posibilities. We walked from Bloor to Queen Street and got on the streetcar, have you ever been on a streetcar where everyone is looking at you and nodding disapprovingly because they could smell "something"? ha ha ;) That's us :D

After worked i went to that shop in Kensignton market Lori showed us, got falafel (which I did not exactly like for some reason), halva mmmmmmmm!!! and some sesame peanut balls. Nice stuff :D And the rest of the afternoon and the evening was reading my Soc stuff. The night was interesting and very relaxing though :D I slept total of like 10 hours. Don;t ask me what time I woke up wow :D

Sunday was Soc all day in the piano room. I need to hang out there studying more often, after that shock I got from a certain website recommended by Biome. Damn! And I had the frosh exec meeting. I need to get on top of things with that and make the poster, and the wensite message, and the application forms and all. I dunno, I feel my partner is kinda annoyed with the fact she has to do it for the 3rd time... I love it though. Will be SO MUCH FUN!!! :D Btw, there was a TV day in my house today, so the people were watching movies while I was studying. Not exactly my best experience, since I never get the chance to get to know anyone cause I am never home.

SO yeah, this was my weekend! Tomorrow is Monday :D And I got a test on Wednesday btw, so do not look for me till then.

I love midnight! This is the peak of my day. Too many reasons. Second is for the music, and the sleep I would eventually get ;)
Good night :D

I AM FREE!!!

It is over! I went there today and talked to her. About you know stuff. Normal stuff! For the first time! Just something that everybody talks about :D And at the end she took all these notes about my life, and then said there is no need to see her anymore! I made it :D FUCK I MADE IT!!!!! :D

On other news....
So yeah, today work was insane as always, trying to meet deadlines. We had a meeting for out objectives, and I found out Christina is also doing schizophrenia so we may share some info. And I promised her coffee some time too :D And we had that guy giving us a tour of the ARF, which was really funny, because he was so weird, and made all these inappropriate for his position jokes :D BUt I found so much about the centre. It is weird that I have been there for like 10 months now and did not know anything about other parts of the building but the 3rd floor of the tower. The other part of the day went with table, numbers, more tables and more numbers. I still got tones to do Monday morning. But I am learing! YEY!!!

Spend the evening with Olena around downtown and we went to the Eaton CEntre. I was not supposed to buy stuff, but was still looking for a top to go with that funky skirt I got, so that made me buy 3 shirts for like under $50. Fairweather has nice sale going on: 2 for 1 if you are into that kinda clothing. SO not I got more funky stuff, that needs funky lingerie. BUt the night was really nice :) I like spending time with her, just chatting around stuff. Even serious stuff you know, we kinda understand each other because of similar background. So my new theory on how I cannot just chill with people because I always feel the need to be more serious and discuss important issues in our lives just fell apart tonight. I guess it is all up to the level of comfortability. We shall see.

And now I love the night, and will love it even more in 10 min ;)
K, fun day in High Park with Nate tomorrow.
Night to you, and I keep it cracking mmmmmmmm ;)

Time to Refurnish :D

Oh, I decided to change the template, in the hope to make my huge typing seem less, but oh well... Not all is roses in life ;)
And btw, I know I type way too much for people to just take a quickie at it, but I do it for myself, because I tend to forget anything about my life. This was recommended to me, so I use it fully :)
Anyways, Today? Good day :D Colder than yesterday for sure. Last night was crazy though wow :D Ended up falling asleep around 3 am or so. BUt yeah ;) Whatever floats my boat right :D
Things at work seem strssful, even though I never stress about anything anymore. But when you are the only on ewho has tones of work and always has deadlines to meet, and has to stay till 5:30 instead of 5, well, it gets a little frustrating. Good Nancy is still around. But now Emily is gone, it is all over the two of us, and she is not very happy either. And Carolyn is SO demanding. I know she does it for us, but still, I need to use my mindreading abilities to understand her intentions at any project. Strangely enough, I am picking the coding pretty easily, and after I get my stats book, and have chat with John, hopefully things will start getting a little more clear. Anyways! Enough work!
Was in the Health Services again. Yeah, this time positive :( And it fucking hurts! When are these people gonna get it that I do have the antibodies in my blood! What is the point to keep injecting me with all that crap if they knew it would be positive eventually. SO now I gotta go to get X-ray. Man, hope it is all worth it.
Btw, I am a little scared of the results. Not that there is a reason, but... Things have happened since the last time I had all these tests done, so there is always risk. But who cares afterall. Even if some of them are positive, I am not afraid of death.
Oh, I was going to leave today, and Christina askedme if I wanted to wait for her so we can go together. She seemed like she wanted to get to know each other more. I am up for it I think... I think... So should send an e-mail to her (even though she works 20 m from me wow) to appologize for being so late today, and ask her if she wanna go for coffee maybe after work, or do something else together. She seems nice. I like her. And I cannot always be busy after all right!
Oh, after my shift in the hospital today I went to the DUfferin Mall. Was looking for a bag, but nothing :( I should have bought that cute one from St. JOhn's :( And I got one of these shelves for my room, so I can put all the food and drinks on it. And I made it by myself :D I am really proud of myself tonight :D Cause it cost me walking down Harbour for an hour from Dufferin, cause was with my bike. But was nice!
Tomorrow is gonna be crazy again! Work, that special meeting I got, hopefully seeing Troy with a friend. Or maybe just chilling on the grass in front of my house. mmmmm ;)
K, good night now :D

II LOVE Field Trips!!!

Yes, I DO I DO!!! Get me more!!!
It happened today at work, even though just for the like an hour. First though we had a lecture on Housing and the 3 main types of social housing the non-profit and government organizations provide in Toronto. I actually really enjoyed the lecture, because, first, it is so practical, and second, many of the relevant problems to our research were concerned. And the person who gave the lecture was really nice. We sat in a circle, just talking and discussing, so informal, but at the same time really informative and serious discussion and lecture. I wish we could get more of these :D
Then I had to rush through the syntax again, I am getting frustrated with all that shit I do not know how to do, and I had to actually do the Documentation for it, and found out I had to program some of the parts again and edit it and all that crap wow. Anyways. will deal with all that stuff tomorrow all day.
So the Firld Trip was at 2 pm. It actually took us an hour to get to the site, located on St.Claire and West of Ossington. Was so funny, because we were dressed for office work, and the people around us were looking funny and prob thinking where the fuck did we come from wow :D Was really funny to see their expression. And of course the number of the house was worng on our sheet, so we had to call and look around and stuff.
We went into a 3 store housing building, which was a unit of Supportive Housing. The person we talked to, Steven Potter, was about 45-50, white, average height person, kinda dry I guess. He gave us juice which was so nice, because we were already boiling from the heat when we got there. Man, it is way too hot these days! And Claire was with boots OMG!!! SO anyways, he invited us in the common room, which was a little bigger than McCaul's common room, a lot of windows, kinda old dirty couches and chairs and all. SO he told us about the 13 units bachelor appartments, how the building worked, what kind of issues they had and so on. I was so into that! I asked so many questions. And was really interesting, because he talked about the management and the underpayment from the government and all that stuff, which I found very fascinating. I think I really want to go into Management now.
When I walked into the building I expected to see some really dirty place with mentally sick heavy schizophrenic people in their accute phase with delusions and hallucinations, screaming down the hall nad acting all drugged and drunk. But actually, afte just an hour of talking to Steven, I realized that there is no real difference between the Supportive HOusing and the normal appartment building you can see on the streets. just that the rent is really low and flexible, and they have community workers coming few times a week. Otherwise, it is just a normal place where normal people live. That made all the difference to me right there. Oh, btw, Steven is an engineer :) Unknown are the paths or God :D
We finished around 3:30 pm. And then we had to find a washroom, because they did not have a public one around. So Lori and Kenneth were asking around, and since the Coffee Place washrooms were out of order, we ended up in a Bingo Hall with all these middle aged people :D
I liked the field trip also because I got to talk to my co-workers and was really interesting to talk about just anything that came to our minds, even though we did not really know each other that well. And I also found that Christina is another bike riding lover, and we decided to go for a ride when she gets her bike. :D I am definately Looking forward to that.
So we were back at U of T around 4:30, so I decided to go home right away, since I did not have lunch anyways. And because I thought the Info Session was today, cause I believed what George told me! but all there was in UC today were graduating people. 2 more years and I will be one of them :D So yeah, I got back home, and got some more cherry pie mmmmm and went to class.
I really start to like Sociology, you know. Everything makes so much sense, and I probably have more experience with what he is talking about than most people. And i was not even that tired today. And he is a great speaker too :)
yeah, we had a house meeting tonight too. No TV though :( Just norms talk and stuff. Oh, btw, there are these 3 guys living at the end of the hall. They are hot man I tell ya ;) And I got to see one of them in the bathroom today when he was going to take a shower just with boxers... mmmmmm.... Damn, why am I thinking about other guys eh! ts ts I am bad I admit :D Oh, but I saw them last night eating in front of the kitchen, after they cooked their own food. gosh, I am crazy about guys who can make their own food :D I was going just in a towel right in the middle, said hi and stuff ;)
Oh, have you noticed how people look at you differently when you wear short skirt, tight shirt, or short pants? Cause I definately have. The construction guys are not exactly the most descrete people around campus :D
So, my hugest achievemt tonight was reading the first chapter of the SOC book :D I have not read that much in the last like 30 days. Felt good to know I can still do that ;)
Also, friendship stuff. I talked to my lovely angelic favourite friend today (you know who you are girlie),and my heart pains cause of what is up with her, but I am here for her, and fuck guys, they such anyways :D Clubbing Saturday k ;)
And I also got an unexpected e-mail which made things better as well, I hope.
Ok, busy is good, and also, being all chilled down and not stressing over different things is good as well. I need a break from all that stress and emotions :)
Oh, uhmm.... yeah... I did say hi to him and we chatted, because he went around my room like 6 times when my door was open, so then i just could not not notice right ;)
ha ha, ok too much guy talk tonight ;)
Sweet dreams :D

mmmmm feels so gooooooddddd ;)

;) So last night after I pretended to go to bed, had nice music soooooo relaxing, but things inhere got kinda hot, no sleep till 2 am. But all was tooooo gooood :)
Today, gosh way too much stuff!!! Work was uhmmm, frustrating! Carolyn expects me to know all that programing stuff and the stats and all. So I was bumping my head on that the whole day. And the stupid Chi-square tests! I should have gottan my book back at my room. Next time remind me to do so. She said I need to get a new stats course next semester, and I told her I have taken 2 already and I did not learn anything. No way I am spending $500 more for nothing! I learnt twice as much in my job than in both courses I took. Which reminded me of the more often than not pointless education I get at U of T. Well, I guess it is mostly my fault for not paying that much attention and cramming everything for 2 days, but still. We shall see next year with my new ideas on time management and biorhytms. BUt still, work is still fun :D Oh, Emily is leaving tomorrow :( I liked her :( tomorrow is a crazy day, cause we get the trip in the afternoon, tell you more tomorrow night.
I used my lunch again to go get injected. I guess it was not that bad. A little bit of poking, but I was just standing there, not even sitting, and she did it right away, so that must be a good sign. NOw I am officially marked by needles, bruises, and all that stuff everywhere. Pretty nasty since it is summer.
talking about summer, soooooooo hot today! BUtthe office was chilli, and we do have the dress code, so I cannot really dress any more summerish than that :( Well, at least I have the whole evening and night to dress with nothing :D
I went to the hospital :D So much fun! I loved the bike there, so hot, but the wind in my face, the feeling is great! And we had a great bunch of kids. Kinda hyper, but we played around, and I think they liked me. And the mothers were so talkative. Was fun :0 And I made bags today. While I was in the play room making the bags, there was a very young family with a newborn baby. This has not happened in a very ling time... The calmness, love, security, gentle care... I felt like an intruder, was silent, and pretended I did not exist. Was so amazing to listen to them... This feeling is undescribable. I have been having such family-oriented thoughts recently. Guess because of the trip, homesickness, my family, Nate, and all that idea of home. I dunno. I just wish more and more to be a mom. Some day :D hopefully sooner than I expect :)
Oh, after the hospital biked for a while around the HArbourfront, and went for some groceries. You got no idea how many people are there on Bloor Street around 9 pm! And the pubs are all full. I like it. Should do a night biking dt trip on Thursday.
And uhmm.... ;) Ok shhh, no thinking bad about me k! So in the grocery shop there was that guy on the line up right. That dark skin and the accent, OMG!!! I rarely think guys are hot, but this one was very very much so wow :D I like ;) It is summer, what do you expect!!! Dirty minded ts ts ts ! Yeah, YOU YOU, not me! I am an angel right here yo!
Oh, I got cherry pie mmmmm, I feel like eating some. had 10 freezies ;) And talked for an hour with a friend :D I should do that more often. Phones are good :)
So yeah, all that crazyness. ;) I am tired, need some sleep.
Oh, btw, Fran introduced me to one of her friends. he seems nice ;)
k, NIght now, sleep cold!!!

P.S. Don;t mind the hour my blog shows, I am never home at 9 pm! wow :D

AL AL ALTEEEEEEEERNATIVE!!!

WOW! That is how my day ended, but you gotta be patient to get there :)
Yeah, ok, here is a freaky story. So I thought I was dreaming right. BUt I looked at my watch. It was 2 am. I was woken up by somebody opening the door of my res room. I do not lock it ever because I do not exactly expect people to come in right. So There is that light coming from the hall, and voices. And I see one of the guys I saw last evening walking around. He is just like: "Sorry, go to bed, don;t worry, good night", and close the door. And I look at my watch. I think I said something like, OMG< or something like that. but then I thought it was a dream, so went back to bed, did not even get up to lock my door. Weird thing, I did not really cared that much, did not even try to hide under my blankie even though I was sleeping with no clothes. I was sure it was just a dream. Until I was doing some schizophrenia data coding today, and remembered about halucinations and delusions. I told my coworkders about what happened. They freaked out and started asking me if I was insae not locking my door. Just then I realized it was actually a reality. I did lock my door this time.
today, so tired! and spending 8 hours trying to figure out all the craziness Carolyn wants me to do did not help. But I am getting there. Slowly but getting there. And the time passes so slowly. Sometimes I wait for an e-mail. Well, I get a dozen of them all the time from the unit, but I was waiting for a different e-mail. I will get used to not getting them tomorrow :)
Class was ok. This guy is so funny! but even that did not save me from spacing out.
Went to see Mahta and talk about the alternative. Was so much fun :D I think this is going to be amazing!!! I am so excited, but tired wow! Let me know if you wanna apply and you are an UC student ;)
Ok, I am really so exhausted! And I still have to cram for Soc, cause I have not even finished one chapter yet... laaaaaazy wow
Night :)

And I thought there is nothing more tiring than sex!

Today was crazy!!! Seriously! I spent 7 hours with Nate, and they had all the ups and downs possible.
First, I biked there! Can you believe that it takes me 30-45 min by TTC to get here, and with my bike it is just 10??? yeah, I could not believe either. But the quality of TTC is beyond description in this blog :)
We had the scooter with us, which made things pretty complicated. he loved the Moss park and the swings, but the usual not crossing the streets was constantly present as always. My poor heart had gotten used to him lying in the middle of the street and crying and beating me up when i pick him up trying to cross. But it is really getting tiring after few of the biggest streets. But we did go to Sick Kids. He loved their parking, because of the incline, so the scooter would go faster. And he would run there to try it. And on Dundas Square we got pretty wet, because he loved experimenting with the fountains. NOt to mention that he was running from me , and even tried to run into the street. Gosh, sometimes I just wanted to die right there. And people were looking at us weirdly and were laughing and stuff. But honesly, I really did not give a shit about them. Cause he is my kid, I love him the way he is, and I do not care hwo thinks what. We went to the Drum festival at Queens park. nate really liked it, and was clapping, and even ate the bun of the hotdog (I had the veggie sausage). But today his new obsession was with bikes, so he was going to touch all of them. SOme people were nice and would let him touch and even put him on the seat. he was happy then :D But when we had to go home, he started to cry, and run, and beat me and himself, and kick and just was so bad. So i decided there is not way we could go home walking, so wanted to take the bus. But right then they closed the road for that army stuff day. So we waited for an hour on the bus stop before we found out the bus was stopped. Nate lied on the ground crying for a long time. People were stopping and asking if he was ok, and stuff, so I had to tell them it is behavioural problems, or that he has autism. Then he fell asleep over me. I saw the troops :D So many women there too! So after an hour at the bus stop, I decided to wake him up and walk to the subway. Yeah, but how can you wake up a child eh? He did not wake up, and when he finally did, he was in a bad mood, did not walk, was lying on the ground again. So I had to carry hm and his scooter. Men I need some new devices and new muscles to keep doing that all summer! He loved the subway though and was holding my hand and was so calm and sweet :D And the streetcar too! Oh, he also says my name :D
You wonder why I am still smiling eh? I know it sounds like a crazy day, and it was really hard, but I love him and what I do, and i did have a great time. BUt was like dead after wow :D
yeah, so I got home around like 6, took a shower and went for a walk to the festival again. I love drums. So energetic too :D Was nice. And hour house is so silent :( And then I decided I am too tired to read stuff and ended talking to few friends. Conversations were interesting, let's put it that way. Not sure what is going to happen after that.
Oh, btw, My new motto: i do not care about anyone.
So now you can be happy to call me bitch, cause i am gonna really be bitchy. And if i tell you something nice, it is probably not true, or I am just conforming to the socila opinion without really thinking it myself ;)
Enjoy the new me :D
Night

P.S. What is more tiring than sex? Being a mom :D

To him I bow in peace

I just wanted to thank somebody for everything he has done for me in the last two and a half years. To somebody who have sent me to hell so many times and who have lift me to the skies many more times. To the one person who was always with me. To the one who always listened, and who always understood. To the one who has me in his heart the way I have him in mine. To the person who saves my soul every time I give up. To the one person who has alwasy been my brother and my spiritual father. To him who gives my soul peace and hope. To the one who will always be in my life, even once a year now. To the one who did not take his life for himself and me.
Thank you.
In peace I embrace your strength and power and return your love.
Yours, Nina

I definately needed that :D

OMG!!! Today was so good, esp after 2 pm!
Well, first, it was so bad, because I woke up after a terrible nightmare. I was going to stab myself in the heart so I die, but I did not want to, and when I thought I did not have other choice I woke up! And I was so late for work! because my cell phone powered off at the middle of the night :( But I did not have to go to work, so that was cool.
then, I had a huge heartbreaking, disappointing, bitter experience with somebody close to me, which threw me off limits for the next few hours. I do not exactly want to talk about it onhere,sorry if you are real curious.
Then, I went to Queen's park to read, but could not concentrate. But there was that Drum festival. Was so nice to hear the music. One of the Native Indian women had a song... And she said that the song was about coming home. "But coming home is coming here" and she pointed to her heart. I remembered that because was so amazingly in tone with my mood right then.
Then I went to the UC info session. Nothing much to do there at first, just listened, but then i got to do 2 tours of the residences, and that was SO amazing! really great! I loved it! And the best thing was that the people actually listened to me, and were asking questions, and thanked me after. I think I did a good job with the tours. They said that I coved everything they wanted to know wow :D I am happy. Will do more on Wednesday and skin Soc ;)
then I went for my bro for his bday. Had to wait like half an hour yo! Craziness! but was all worth it. We spent 6 hours together just the two of us! I have not felt so close to him for years, even though we often share when things are going down. We went to see Shrek 2! OMG!!! I have not laughed so hard for so long! Was amazing! All these crazy inside jokes!!! HA HA HA!!! I am still shaking just thinking baout them :D FUN!!! Go see it if you have not already ;) And then we went to Spring Rolls on Bloor for dinner. So much food! The mango salad was nice, kinda spicy though. And I could not eat the main course, so they packed it for me, and now I got food for the next week :) Very nice restaurant though! And then we went down Yonge and up University for an hour, and talked and was so nice and calm and just... so family-like. I love my bro! I am so proud of the person he is, and I just... It meant a lot to see he is up and kicking and all :) I love him so much! We talked about university, residences, travel, life, BG, everything. We did not stop talking. I think he had a lot of fun with me. And we are going to do it again this summer. I think we both need it :D
And tomorrow I am gonna see Nate an have more fun!
Night now :)

STill getting presents for my Bday :D

Yep, I do!!! ha ha :D
I cannot believe my job is so awesome and my co-workers are so great, and I am doing so great with all the stuff and all! And getting my view for my life real straight now. I love it!
We went to Kensigton market today! I love that place when it is sunny and nice. Should go this weekend to get some groceries. The Chinese shop was so cute, and the eastern one got all these great things I have been craing from BG! I love it! And the falafel mmmm soooo good ;)
Oh, I saw Olena today. And we went to see "Day after tomorrow". Very nice. I mean, it is the usually cheesy stuff about USA saving the world, but whatever. I like disastrous movies, so that was in my taste. We decided to go out every Friday night to do something. Remember that!
My bro had a bday today. Time to be a nice sis. Tomorrow movie and dinner mmmm :D I love good food once a month wow ;)
Yep, now, just chilling with nice Acid Jazz, in bed, enjoying beng happy :D
On another note. I miss him, but I am very uncomfortable to cintact him in any way. Yeah, that is me.
NIght :)

June 3, 2004

Today was fun :D
I even got to work only 3 min late :D few more days and I will be all on toes and up right away. Today was an exception because I stayed up toll 1:30 am last night talking to somebody. Too bad news :( Remember what happened to her, and never do that to yourself. I remembed how much I love her. :D
Oh, work was great. I really LOVE it! So much fun! I actually did all of the coding for the two projects that I was supposed to do, and it all worked! With just minor corrections! Nancy was even impressed :D I am so proud of me! Who would have thought I am becoming a programming person :) FUN!!! :D tomorrow will do some styling here and there ;)
We went to lunch, because Emily's last day at work is next week. We went to that Din SUm place in CHina town, right north of Spadina and Dundas! Remember to bring friends and family there! Food was interesting, even the vegetarian stuff I got. Very Yummy! And i really enjoy these lunches with the whole unit. 20 people today. They all are so smart and interesting, and at the same time very nice and down to earth. very very interesting :)
Yes, I did go to the Koffler Centre for the TB test. Negative. Well what exactly did they expect??? I told them the first time too, doh! So I will end up with more scars and bloody patterns on my arms, until they realize that I got a vaccine! WOW :D
Oh, yes, I did get my admin rights onm y computer today, after spending a lot of time with that help desk person. Was funny to see him feel so helpless, ha ha I know I am weird ;) And after a bunch of people came over to try log in, it did work at the end. Not sure who exactly changed the passwords. Maybe Nancy will metion something tomorrow.
So yes :D Work was good. I love it. Still need to get to know my co-workers better though. They seem ok. NOt going to talk more about that for now. Probing.
Hey! Did you see the weather today! Amazing! I did bike to the hospital! Took me even less than 45 min today :) So nice! And I did not even get hurt on the way! But there was that guy on a 4-way stops, who came towards me and I was gonna fall over his car. He just smiled evily. WTF! he probably has never really biked and does not know how hard it is to stop and start again. I liked the way back too. Very relaxing. I like how there are so many single people in the parks and on the beach. Very interesting. Different from BG for sure.
I did not talk to that guy from BG today. he sounded interesting last time we talked, but you know that the time difference is always an issues. Krisk is always at uni when I am home :( I miss his insanely sexy OZ accent! you know how crazy I am about OZ accents ;)
The hospital was fun too. I kinda felt like I did more than usual today, because of all the peopel we had. I still talked to Ana afterwards. I feel she should do more than compare her teaching with Saira though. I spent like half an hour trying to explain to her that changing the times would make a difference, but she did not listen. I dunno man. I love it, but i feel so helpless. I need to get out of there.
NO reading tonight. I just need more relaxing I guess. Too much stuff can totally tire you down. Which reminds me it is bedtime :D
Night NIght :D