Tearing apart

Well, obviously my morals are down the train. But I still feel like I want to keep some part of them somewhere, so I do not feel like a peice of flesh.
It is not that I feel used or anything. I mean, we know what it is about and don't play mind games. I am old enough for that bullshit already. But the practicality of it really scares me.
What scares me most is that I seem to accept it way too easiliy. In and out. And I don;t even consider it a big deal. Just move on with whatever I need to do. I am such a hypocrite. I gave a lecture to M. few months back about the exact same thing, and now I am the one doing it without any regrets. At least she had feelings. We got no emotions whatsoever. Not to mention that alcohol is always in the way.
So yeah... question is do I keep doing it, or just fuck it and get back to the normal uncorrupted life. I guess I know which way I lean towards. My friends are pretty supportive. maybe if they weren't I would not keep it going. I dunno... I guess I will have to wait for the next few times and see how things are going. Rediculously so, I got what I wanted. Now I am not sure I want it anymore.
Whatever. I need to apologize to M. for what happened and tell her everything and wait for her to freak out on me so I can say no.
At least I am smart enough not to risk my health.