Reassurance

So this is pretty much all I need now. And has been going good so far from various people. Evan said at the training today that he is sure i will be probably the most hard-working person. I got tones of thank you e-mails from various people in the last 3 days. And I get even more verbally. And the best are the hugs and kisses from friends :D They are so totally cute :D

Ok, so my body just cannot function on less than 8 hours. I did wake up around 11 tonight... Another morning lost. Need to kick myself out of bed on a regular basis nowadays. Shhhh!!! Shut up! I need my beauty sleep :D

Work was very interesting today. First because obviously Carolyn has made a point to improve our communication by seeing me every Tuesday after I get in the office. And second because of the amazing flashback I got from one of the interviews....

She described exactly what I have been feeling... The feeling that strangers understand her better than her friends, the isolation from people because they could not handle the situation, the superficious friends who were always so happy when she had to deal with the schizophrenic son, the cries of her sister and daughter to forget and be left alone from it, the social disfunctioning, the older people who could be there for her more than anyone else... the self-blame and settling for what she could handle. She just could take only some. And seemed like n matter how much she tried to change things, it never worked, because they would never understand what was in her soul. And they all knew about him!
... I was smiling and laughing, and nodding all the time. This woman was ME!!! All I am feeling... Then I realized, it probably happens to any family member in such situation. It is not ME that causes it to be this way, it is the internalization of the experience... It hurts to see others feeling what I feel. I wish I could talk to her and tell her she is not alone... I guess no matter how emotional this is for me, it is good at the end, because it gives me the chance to virtually interact with other people so I can see that I am not alone, that I am not weak or cruel, it just happens that way because the human mind is unable to comprehend what is going on in our minds. It's scary that I am part of that community without face though... Now I am pretty sure I will really be a volunteer for family rights some day soon.

There must be something wrong with the weather, cause i got my eyes on 2 guys today, and I talked to both of them just briefly. ts ts... i will not count that as cheating though :D shut up! the 6 months are over so I am allowed to do that :D

Also! I talked to her for 15 min today! And they will come pick me up Monday after I wake up. I am so damn scared! At least it is not inside, because I would freak out then. I think I am terrified of being in theor home, because I feel so locked there. But going in the car to a nice place would be much easier :D Take it one step at a time :D

Pub was not as negative as I thought it may be. Actually pretty nice :) And I liked H. 's friends, espcially one particular shhhh shut up!!! :D Doesn't matter :D
Ok, I still got to send at least like 5 e-mails because of all the committee I am involved in . Oh btw I am seriously working on pronouncing this word the right way :D

K, Nighty Night
Love you :D