Change is the only Constant

J. told me that at the beginning, the first night we spent together actually. I hated him for saying that, then I loved him for saying that, then I actually started understanding it. Now I appreciate what it means for ME. The last few years have been really stormy, and made me do things I partially regretted, and mess up a lot of relationships which I wanted to go on in a different light. But I think after all that huge mess things have been getting where they are supposed to be. Finally I know what I want, and I know how to deal with pretty much everything in my life. I really changed so much... Res life and especially the past summer were a great opportunity to learn the ropes of my own life. I know that the emotions will keep swinging from one end to the other if something major happens, but I learnt to be patient, understanding, non-judgemental, rational. RATIONAL. This is the key in my life right now. Last night Nick was telling us about hhis life and his amazing ability to rationalize everything so that emotions cannot possibly stir him in an undesirable direction. I wanted him to give me hints, pointers, to teach me how to do that. And then I looked at myself and realized that there is no need for that. I am rational enough. It's so amazing how things in my life have been going the right direction. Everything has gone the way I wanted it to go. Of course, there have been people I had to put aside so they do not disturb me, there have been goals I did not achieve, but the important thing is that I have the confidence, the energy, the strength, the motivation to get where I want to go. Somebody very close to my heart once told me that I am the strongest person he has ever met. Only now I think I can see why he says that :) Thank you :)

There is one thing I regret. It is that there are few people around me who never got the chance to get to know me, to see the real me. They stuck their minds to a certain perception of me, and are still unable to understand that what happened before was weird, strange, crazy. They just cannot accept that I DID CHANGE. It was a painful process, still is, but it is worth it all. I do get flashbacks though... like when I am at clubs... or when I get really angry... or when people attack me and judge me and assume things about me.... or when people give up on me saying I am stubborn. But these flashbacks I can control when I want to. Gary told me he knows I have changed. I am still his little sister and all, and we still have the usual conversations being silly with each other and what not, but it means really a lot to me that he said that. If even he sees it, that means I am doing a great job with myself :D

Ok, will tell you more later :)
I am proud of myself :D