I can't do it

I thought I could. I thought I have gone through it enough times to be able to do it once again. But I really cannot. I can't allow hurting myself. I have been sick the whole day, maybe fever, maybe flue, I dunno... And I slept a lot. ALl the time I thought about him. And in my mind I saw him as more tha just the fb I thought he can be. So... I just cannot do it. I need to talk to him and tell him that I need more than just it. No matter how great it is, I really need someone I can trust right now, someone I love and who loves me back. I am not saying he is not able to be that person, just I have not seen it towards me yet. Maybe he is not ready. Maybe I am not ready. Whatever it is, I just do not want to do it. Because at the end I will be the only loser. And I am tired of being the only loser every single time. There are so many people in my life who actually care about me, who want to be with me because of who I am, and what I stand for. And you know what. I cost more than that!
So I will talk to him first thing we get around to it and leave the decision to him. But better do it now then wait 10 more times when I will have fallen for him.
Meh, I am stupid :(